I feel betrayed. Gmail has not been notifying me of comments made on my comments. somehow.
ARE YOU AND LJ HAVING A FIGHT OR SOMETHING?
SO, I haven't noticed a handful of comments being made on my posts in communities. *cries*

It is almost time for extra lifedrawing. Hmm.

YAY!

School starts in a couple days, and I'm actually excited. Hee.

I regret that I haven't been updating this journal for a while because there are a heck of a lot of things I'd love to share. Just using the account as a way to stalk communities. Many of which I am not even a member of. Maybe once I get my act together....


You know looking back at these older entries...wow, I was SO EMO.
It kinda scares me.. XD

SERIOUSLY. You hear about kids at Uni. or College passing out due to exhaustion or what have you all the time, but I'd never thought it would happen to me!!! O____O

So like, after school, open life drawing...there's like 35 or more people crammed in there and 15 minutes into the session I start to get cold sweats; get dizzy and lightheaded and pass out on the floor. IN FRONT OF EVERYONE. Someone carried me out of the room and people are all like "nurse, ambulance, doctor, wheelchair" (I'm semi-consious at this point...and I remember muttering stuff to answer people's questions, although I can't remember the things I was saying). It turns out my blood pressure was too low and my blood sugar wasn't that great either; and the standing during life drawing wasn't helping it.

I stayed in the hospital for maybe 5 hours. The doctors couldn't find any visible veins in my arms, so they had to keep TRYING *holey* to get the IV in. I got discharged just a little while ago.

The doctors told me it would be wise to leave the program, looking at the pace I'm going at. But I'm gonna keep at it. IT'S ONLY EVER IN LIFE DRAWING THOUGH THAT I FEEL LIGHTHEADED AND THERE ARE NO FUMES OR ANYTHING. I think it was just the idea that I was in a room full of pro people and that a lot of them were standing behind and around me, in full view of my honest to goodness shit. (omg, S-- ---, D---- ---, D---- ----, C---- ---...just to censor a few) You can feel so INFERIOR in there. Ugh, how pathetic am I?

It was truly, very scary and unreal. But, anyway...feeling better. Just tired.

I could go on (and believe me, there are fun/not so fun stories to tell about that open class) but I need to head back to Oakville tomorrow (in Toronto).

NYARRRR NOW EVERYONE IS GONNA KNOW ME AS "GIRLWHOPASSEDOUTINLIFEDRAWING" FOR THE NEXT FOUR YEARRRRRRS! JEEZ WHAT A WAY TO START COLLEGE~ *hides*

LOL it's been like...almost a year since I posted?

But now I'm finally in college! SHERIDAN COLLEGE!
I dunno HOW it happened, but it did and now I'm in Animation!!! *dances*

Just finished moving into my new apartment with my roommate.
Gah, I'm so glad the place is RIGHT IN FRONT of the school.
I'm busy busy busy with schoolwork already. @_@
BUT I'M LOVIN' IT. (dah dah dah da dah~)

I think I'm going to slowly start updating this blog, dA, tegaki, etc.
I mean, besides going on for e-mails, homework and manga...I've been off the internetz for so long. *o*

Ah, and I finally bought a Doctor Who Season. *walletdies*
It's Season 2!!! carmine_ink, Girl in the Fireplace, was AMAZING.

...was sort of how I was feeling the past two weeks.
(So, in other words, Neil Gaiman yet again seems to have sum up life in a few words)

Preeety rough. I don't think I've ever been a terrible student but this year, which is supposed to be the most important year too, has not been going so well.


I'm really, really beginning to loathe french for all the wrong reasons and am trying my best to stop. The worst part of it is...I can't seem to find a good side to it. I dislike the atmosphere, the period, the reading materials, the language, the people...God, I sound like a bitch.

Latin has been considerably harder. Although I still like the subject. I don't think I really have anything to complain about here...since its my own fault for the lack of preparation; jumping into such a difficult class. I really underestimated it.

Art, I really love. But due to the aforementioned two subjects I'd basically been living at the library. (My library books are overdue) My series isn't as great as it should be. I felt like it had potential but I didn't quite grasp it. That's bugging me. I should have been able to focus more on art than ANYTHING this year. Visiting Sheridan really set my mind on getting into the school. It's so beautiful.

I'm beginning to think I'm mildly mentally unstable...and I'm being very serious. My parents are also concerned and have spoken to me several times about getting myself checked again. It's just these little outbursts and uncontrolable actions and moodswings. I don't know if they're the results of stress or pressure or what have you. Actually I was taken to the doctor to see if I had Tourette's Syndrome some years ago (9...10 years old?), because of constant tics (gritting teeth, jerking the head and arms, twitching eyelids) but they disappeared and never came back until recently. So bottom line, it's not the first time.


I've been reading Gaiman books like a madwoman. Everywhere; subways, sofas, work, bed, bathroom...you get the picture. In the past week I've devoured:

Anansi Boys
Stardust (illustrated)
The Last Temptation
Smoke and Mirrors
Endless Nights

...which isn't a great management of time on my part but honestly, reading the books cheers me up more than Starbuck's vanilla bean frappucinos; and that's saying a lot. I dunno...I think I said they were like anti-depressants. They really are.

Work's been on my case too. I love my job and I don't want to quit it. But school is kind of creeping up on me now, and I'm considering asking my boss for a few days off...
I just love the people there so much, they're so helpful...I think I've learned there, what four years of high school art couldn't teach me.

I just hope things will turn around soon with a little hard work and concentration. I'll put Neil's books away for a while.
And...the cuts on my arms and hands are healing nicely. =)

It's Remembrance Day, lest we forget. u_u
Tohjoh Asami has also passed away. A wonderful manga-ka; BL fans will never forget you, rest in peace. ;_;

*silence*

Coffee.

1. If school had an ass, I'd kick it. Hard.

2. I hate french class very much. :<

3. Neil Gaiman's works double as very powerful antidepressants.

I feel so accomplished LOL. 7 hours of work no break and no lunch (voluntary). So bascially I arrived 9:55 am, got the 'grand tour' from Mr. Christopher Ruff (Assistant Manager) and Naomi (Co-worker) which wasn't so grand because I wasn't even told where the washroom was. This lady comes up to me while I'm taking down overstock and asks me where the washroom is...I open a closet the first time. LOL. So then I'm told by Jesse to go downstairs; door locked. Went to Chris, found another door, hidden behind a shelf.

( Rest of my day-ish? )

Oh my gosh. I went through...two movies today. Thank you Cherry, it's all your fault. So...Mudge Boy, and Edge of Seventeen (the most of it). Mudge Boy was so, so very disturbing. Even though I knew about that thing that would happen to Chicken (LOL that sounds funny) oh god, I cringed when it did. It was a pretty interesting movie despite the quirks. It's odd but refreshing for me to see a rather big name actor in an independant film like this. Especially one that deals with homosexuality. But I LOVE it when that occurs.

Edge of Seventeen; I didn't see the ending. But it's sort of a lighter movie and that was good after Mudge Boy. The sexual stuff between Eric and Rod in the beginning were kind of....sudden though?

Okay, so now I have to talk about As the World Turns,
( Because I KNOW I'm going to make this very long. )

Oh and Brian Melo won Canadian Idol. Good. I liked him second best. -v-

I'm fucking tired. But I feel I have to show some sign of internet activity...before I'm swamped with any important work. Speaking of which, I FINALLY got a job. After the millions and millions of trees I killed and cartridges I made bleed in order to print resumes and applications! It's a pretty sweet job too, despite the fact that I'll be the baby of the group. Yay, it's at DeSerres Art Store (formerly known as Loomis Art Store which was formerly known as Loomis and Tooles which was formerly known as Omer DeSerres which was formerly a department store which was formerly a hardware store.) as a Sales Advisor/Cashier-When-Needed. So it's cool how I used to ask the people who worked there where to find particular things, but now people are going to ask ME. Heh heh, weird. I thought I screwed up the interview too. ^^; But went earlier today after school, bought a humongous canvas for class, and just as the manager was about to call home. I start Saturday. <3

I like having a computer in my room now. <3
Oh, and I've made it my daily ritual to produce SOMETHING before the day is done. Whether it's doodles or oekaki (both of which I'm not very keen on showing online right now. I want to change dA accounts I think), college is JUST around the bend. Oooh, creepy.

I haven't had the time to shop for people I've promised to get certian things for either....ARGH. I make terrible promises. Bad Carol. *headoven--Dobby style* Need sleep. G'night.

This whole week aside from half hour long visits to Hotmail, I HAVEN'T BEEN ON THE COMPUTER FOR LITTLE MORE THAN A WEEK. And that my friends is a tremendous thing because I'm usually the one wasting away in front of the screen playing online games or abusing Photoshop and downloading manpr0nz or something.

And let me show you the being whom I hold responsible for my agony:

( Stare into the face of evil! )

With Charlie on a rampage in our home, I guiltily admit that recently I try to stay away from the house as much as possible. I know I said that I had no freedom, and I still belive that. 'Cause when you're less than an hour into some needed walking time on Queen and you get a phone call to come racing home to take care of the THING THAT WILL EAT YOUR SANTIY, you just...want to pull your hair out. (Which I did, but had someone else do it for me.) XD But that's another story.

I haven't a clue what's going on on dA or y!gallery OR LJ. >.>;;
I'd like to speak with Cherry and Sharon-smutbag...Bunny, Red Bean, Peter, Renka (whose VF for RUSH is looking great) ;_;
THAT CHARLIE REQUIRES ME TO SIT LIKE A POTATO ON THE COUCH AND MONITOR HIM WHILE HE GOES OFF AND CHEWS KHII. (Soraaaa~ *A*)

I'm probably the ONLY person...(checks back), correction, AM THE ONLY PERSON among the HP lovers I know to have NOT seen Harry Potter and the Order of the Phoenix Movie yet. [He woke up; must take him go potty NOW]

-20 minutes later-

Joy.
Back to ranting. And LIAM STYLES CHANG DIDN'T MAKE IT TO THE TOP TEN.
But that is minor. *sniff*

Cherry, I don't know how you manage with Lucky. But then again Charlie is still a baby and maybe I just complain too much.

Ah, Granado Espada (그라나도 에스파다)!
I'd found it browsing a forum back in December or January but never bothered to download it (IT'S FREE), but now I'm pretty much obsessed. *grumbles about previously promising not to play any more online games*

Kim Hakyu, the creater of the ever popular Ragnarok Online is also the one responsible for this Age of Exploration type MMORPG. (I have never played RO)

The characters are gorgeous and hot and come in 5 classes: Fighter, Wizard, Musketeer, Scout and Elementalist/Warlock; male and female versions for each (They all have their own accents too-- it's cute). Everything is so pretty; from clothes, to environments...

Oh! And one of my favorite features is the Poses.
Thoughtful game developers they are! Noticing we gamers love to take screenshots, they've provided an extensive list of poses (you eventually have to purchase from an NPC)to put your characters in to make for interesting screenshots. <33

Naturally I abused this feature...a lot.

( Piccies~ )

So if any of you play, I run around under the family name Corvier (Caspian is my Musketeer; Corolina, my Elementalist and Quentis, my Scout) on the Pachelbel server, usually Channel 2. I love how the community is so, uncrowded, unlike most MMORPGs.

Because I won't stop ranting about how great Liam Styles Chang is. <3

I missed the last two episodes of Canadian Idol too. ;_;
WHAT'S HAPPENING TO ME? I've suddenly become an Idol freak.
I blame this guy...and his AWESOME hair. >.>;;

Right, so I'm not dead!

BUT exams ARE finally over. x_x;
The last few weeks of school were very brutal; full of culminating activities (Mixed Media Collage, Photography Scrapbook - killed about 30$), studying (Art History - SO MANY PAINTINGS), more studying (English, Math - Math I shall never have to see again!)...My virtual presence on the internet just, disappeared.

All pretty much worth it though!

Art - 92
Math - 81 (92 on exam. WOT!)
Photography - 94
English - 88

Decent I think. =) And I'm not taking math next year! So I don't have to worry about that anymore. Next year's subjects are:

Art
Ancient Civilizations
Latin
English
Writer's Craft
FRENCH (mm goi sai bunny -_-)
SPARE

A pretty good year ahead!
But summer is now officially here and I NEED A JOB. I've been hopping here and there for a summer job, namely places like the CNE, grocery stores (GOD FORBID), art stores, manga shops...
And summer leaves lots of time for things like Art practice, thankfully. My sketchbooks have been gathering dust. I shall put them to good use! Ms. Fularski has already prepared work for Grade 12 Art students to do in the summer...

15 Gallery Visits
20 Art related news articles
4 Series Paintings
4 Series Studies
Portfolio Preparation
Art Marketing

Yay.

Oh, oh, and on a random note. Canadian fellows, are you watching Canadian Idol?! Normally I don't touch the remote to our TV but I saw Liam Styles Chang preform on Monday. *love*
Let's hope Liam Chang wins this one! His hair pwns too. <333

Gah...so much internet stuff to catch up to. x___x;;;;;;

Lately all I've been doing is lurking. School seems a little less stressful now, aside from Art Class (oil paintings...) but somehow it's taken a real toll on my mood. O_o;
I don't really feel motivated to do anything, and that's the worst thing I could ever expect to feel. *go away, stupid slump* >_<

And I'm not wearing backpacks. HOW CAN YOU GO TO SCHOOL AND NOT WEAR A BACKPACK?!
So, I woke up one morning and couldn't move my neck (it was locked into one position), my shoulders were burning; my mom took me to the hospital. 3 hour wait. Another hour wait. Then the doctor tells me I had muscle spasms and a minor form of scoliosis AND that from then on I shouldn't wear backpacks for a few months or if possible, ever. I have to roll this luggage case around school and it's ridiculous. T___T

But this is no time to emo around. *A*
Maybe I'll draw some fanart...(Tales of the Abyss fanart <3)

HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO OUR DEAR YAOYI! *glomps*

( Amusing Pictures )

Ha, I think deprivation of chocolate has kicked me off the deep end.
I'd never done Lent before, though I grew up a Christian (I don't go to church). This year I am abstaining from consuming anything that is chocolate or is chocolatey and from playing video games. >.>;;
Although some of the things my friends are abstaining from are much harder than the ones that I've chosen. XP

I also can't seem to draw properly. :/
Sometimes, my hand will go into brief tremors or it's like I've forgotten how to do a simple pose I've done before. Losing the ability to draw even for a moment is the worst fear and thing that can happen to someone aiming for a life in the Arts and Animation fields; or to someone who needs to do a simple comic for Anime North. *fume* I hope this unlucky streak ends soon.

Victoria and Michelle will beta the fantasy fiction (illustrated novel to be) I am currently a part of. Thank you guys. ;w;

*I might be able to go to Hong Kong in June. T__T Pleeease Dad!

Happy Valentine's Day, all. <3

Lotsa love from me to you.

I have been a self-centered, selfish, mindless person this past week and will be this coming one.
(You have been warned my school mates. Grr~rr.)

Let's start at that fashion show. I guess it's my own fault for not working fast enough. But you know, I even went out yesterday for fabric, and everything I see is like...not in my budget or not right. I think we're all already aware of my lack of patience and short fuse. I left the store empty handed. I'm not going to that show; as wonderful as it sounds. I'm quite certain that sitting there, I would be bitchier than I already am due to the mixture of regret and self loathing I'm feeling right now. The other material I had previously bought is more or less destroyed because of my experimentations on it. There goes $35 out the window.

Speaking of cash; I've found myself low on it. Funny, 'cause these days, touching money makes me feel sick. 때때로, 아빠는 바보다. 아빠가, 스포츠 도박을 아직도햬. 나는 그것을 미워한다. 나는 그것을 순전히 미워한다! And school supplies for Art and Photography aren't helping. I hate to ask my parents for money, and I still have to make sure I save enough for AN '07 table and for the production of prints and whatnot.

I have been banging my head against the wall for reasons related to my creativity fountain. Why? BECAUSE IT'S DRIER THAN THE SAHARA DESERT. There goes my application to Sheridan. My art/writer's block has been going on for EONS. I'm not sure what to do with my life at this point. *emo emo*

Vic; I WANT to draw you some H/D but I don't know HOWWWW....*cries*

THEY'RE OVER. THANK HEAVEN. n(u.u)n
Would someone hurt me if I said I enjoyed the Latin exam for the most part? XD (I hope lvl 3 will run!)
I wish I could draw some kind of comic in Latin...that'd be fun. XDD
Four days of complete, no strings attached freedom! *///* (although I should be working on that dress. ugh.)
Let's go karaoke, ya?! XD

I did however get a chance to buy and watch MirrorMask this week and I LOVE IT SO MUCH. Neil Gaiman is one of those many people that own MY SOUL. There was this beautiful, surreal creativity just spilling from that movie; even though when you think about it, the plot wasn't uncommon.
Bought Curse of the Golden Flower too. *love*

Hmm...it must be well past midnight in Manila now but, wishing a Happy 18th Birthday to Renka-uhnee <33!
(Legaaal! I patiently await my turn...want..draw man pr0n. *should concentrate on DRAWING first* Cough.)
May her new year bring happy times, success and opportunities. Love and support from me to you! *3*

Happy New Year!!

Luck and prosperity to you all. <3
From the looks of it; things will be alright for me too. =)

I came back from watching Curse of the Golden Flower.
A beautiful movie with rich colours and gold everywhere, very literaly. But what else can you expect from the Tang dynasty? ^^; (Did a huge essay on the greatness of the Tang dynasty and it's expanse in culture and territory. @_@) It was very similar to how I'd pictured the Tang dynasty to look. There's lots of taboo and complex relationships in the story, along with the excellent fight scenes. All the actors did a great job; I was especially surprised to see how Jay Chou portrayed his character Prince Jai (the subtitles spelled it this way O_o;;;), so well (I'd never seen Initial D before...even though I own it.)! I just wonder why my mother kept laughing through the whole thing. O_O Something to do with Chow Yun Fat. I guess I'll never understand. ^^; But I won't spoil anymore of the plot or characters.
Go watch this movie!

Heeey, I hope you all passed a wonderful Christmas (and Boxing Day...har. XD).
I had a really great Christmas! Cookies, sleep and I got a placing in jisuk's contest. *///* (Thank yuuuu!) I ran around my house screaming and jumping and yeah...very happy. XD See the thank you 'card' I made. Right Here ^3^

Unfortunately...today, my mom recieved a call. I cannot explain what it was about but it had to do with my father and his gambling problem; which we THOUGHT he had quit. Needless to say, this lead to much screaming and shouting and cussing...I don't even want tell what the place looks like right now.

My father's left the house for...somewhere; I don't know. I really don't know how I feel right now. I love my dad a lot but at this point I don't know...I really don't. Ever since I was even born. 23 years...23 years. And you know LJ is like rant/feelings dump numero uno so, thought I'd take a breather here while everything else is cooling down.

I hate seeing my parents like this; I really do. It's not the first time either.
And my credit card (got it two days before christmas) now lays in the trash in a million pieces. -_-;